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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?